he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
