bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
