He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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