Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
