I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
