After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
