She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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