either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
