pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Randomize
