girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
