office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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