I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
