Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i believe in u and ur pee
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize