Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
