A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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