The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
