WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize