weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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