ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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