she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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