im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize