the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
