i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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