we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
