I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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