I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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