I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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