apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Shame is for Republicans.
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