Who wears a wallet chain?!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
