And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
