I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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