Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
