hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Quick, to the slutcave!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
