i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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