Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
this is an emotional support booty call
Drake has all the answers
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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