How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
