none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
