Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
