His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
