don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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