Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
