I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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