that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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