i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
