kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
