I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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