I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
