porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
