he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
