You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh god it's open bar.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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