it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
