im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
