I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
