Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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