i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
