he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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