Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
