you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
