we're blogging at a bar
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
