Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
