Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
