brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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