All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
