I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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