I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize