I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
