I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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