So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize