is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
